On Days Where Everything Is Going My Way

I like to take a quiet moment at the end of the day to imagine that there will be a time in the future, near or far, where I will have arrived to complete catastrophe. In my mid forties, I’ve experienced episodes like that before, maybe three times or four. Mind melting bedlam.

And in each of those episodes, there were always behaviors I engaged in, responsibilities I ignored, phone calls I didn’t make to get me there. Disaster stews long before it boils over. And part of you always knows what you’re putting off.

So, in those quiet moments after a good and long day, I like to lay down in the middle of the room and stare up at the ceiling and make an accounting of all the missing pieces of a grand puzzle.

If you’re patient, and honest and provide room for mistakes, if you give yourself time to process the litany of the day’s sensation, there’s nothing that can get to you without your awareness beforehand.

From what I’ve seen, surprise carries the bulk of catastrophe’s freight.